Sorry guys, but I gotta do more Real Housewives recaps. Honestly, after the mediocre season that was Beverly Hills I feel like I owe it to the internet to recap a city that will hopefully have more pizazz.
As you may or may not (but how could you not?!) The Real Housewives of Orange County is the original Housewives. It premiered in 2006, pre-recession when reality TV was still establishing itself as a genre that would stand the test of time. Fun fact: I wrote my high school senior paper on reality TV back in 2007. Not only was it the most fun paper I’ve ever written, but it also amps up my street cred on being a reality TV expert.
Anyways when RHOC initially aired it was totally different from what the Housewives franchise is today. The “reunion” was the ladies casually chatting and reminiscing about the season in Jeana’s back yard. A far cry from current day reunions. Anyways I have been a fan from the start, and while I doubt anything can top last season I’m anxious to see what happens.
Onto the ep!
So Heather and Terry are clearly rich AF.
If I’m ever back in southern California again I’m definitely hitting up CUT Fitness just because Eddie is seriously sexy.
What do you know, Vicki is lonely in her huge-ass house. Vicki needs to learn how to be alone. Girl is co-dependent on the world. She’s also apparently still dating the creep-tastic Brooks despite the fact that Brianna announced last reunion that he had made sexual comments towards her and told her husband he needed to start beating her. Real winner right there. Also Brianna is pregnant again and I’m really happy for her, because she is definitely the most chill/normal housewives kid despite the fact that her mom can be absolutely batshit crazy. I’m still a little wary of her husband after he verbally assaulted Lydia (who BTW lasted one season, ouch)’s mother last year for putting her feet on a couch.
Vicki is distraught because her daughter is moving to Oklahoma where her military husband will be stationed. According to Vicki Brianna should not move there because, “Oklahoma is a forgotten state. We’ve never been to Oklahoma. I don’t know what they eat in Oklahoma.” All valid reasons, Vicki.
In true housewives fashion the new housewives are not so organically pushed together with the old ones. Heather tours a home of new housewife Shannon where they happen to stumble upon the fact that their kids went to school together. The odds!
It appears Shannon’s unique twist is that she is green. But not like typical green where you recycle and use solar power. She doesn’t have wifi in her house due the “electromagnetic radiation” it produces. Now I’ve taken a lot of science classes in my life and I’ve never heard this fact, but who am I to doubt an Orange county housewife? It should also be noted that Shannon’s husband bares a striking resemblance to Simon Barney, Tamra’s ex.
Heather goes to Hawaii to appear on Hawaii Five-0, and Vicki and Tamra decide to join her and have a typical housewives “girl trip.” Vicki and Tamra want to go surfing but, Heather does not. Vicki announces that Heather needs to take off her “fancy pants” and put on a g-string. Then she announces that she wears g-strings. This is not something I care to imagine seeing as Vicki is a 52 year old grandma.
Then Vicki proceeds to stumble and fall over surfboards (still on the sand), struggles to get up on the board, then finally stands up only to fall off and land on a lava rock. Per Vicki she cut her knee up terribly and it was gushing blood to the point that she was worried it would attract sharks. Warning: the following photo is of Vicki’s wound and due to the extreme nature of the wound may not be suitable for all viewers:
I realize I’m cuckoo, but if I could afford it I totally would visit an energy medical specialist a la Shannon. Girl appears wackadoodle, but I too support holistic health and would blow embarrassing amounts of money on that stuff if I had the disposable income. For now I will stick with yoga and green smoothies.
We return to Hawaii where Heather is being a know-it-all about everything. It was a little annoying, but as I have a bit of a know-it-all streak myself I can’t really judge. Then Tamra drops the bomb and asked Vicki about Brooks, the topic everyone has avoided all episode and then we cut to the preview for the rest of the season.
Just a guess, but I’m thinking things aren’t going to go over peacefully when we get further into the status of Vicki and Brooks’ relationship. Can’t freaking wait.